She's JV to your varsity
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A bitchslap is in order.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
