Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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