I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
