I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
