just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
