:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
