is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
