I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
