It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
