Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
