Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
