shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
