Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
