Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Life is so much better after having sex.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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