We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When are your genitals available?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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