U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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