Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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