As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
