somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
