i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
