We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
