yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
