Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
