I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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