If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
