This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
