I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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