sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize