Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
