Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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