Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
did i just pee glitter
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
