The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
