Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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