This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize