And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
