I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I could fuck to npr.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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