well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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