walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
