please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
