PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
