my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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