I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
