OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
