I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
