so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
