I wanna bring you to show and tell
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
