so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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