I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
