I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
