you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
