dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
