The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
