Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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