You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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