I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
