yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
