she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
