She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's shark week go big or go home
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
