No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
