Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
