Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I understand Curling. That high.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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