He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
